The Bible is a great instruction manual. It told people two thousand years ago how God wanted them to live. But that was during the Roman times. The Old Testament was written even earlier. Proverbs was written nearly three thousand years ago. Proverbs 31:10-31 was a checklist a queen gave her king son of what to look for in a wife. Is it really something a modern Christian woman needs to strive to be?
About Proverbs 31
Proverbs is exactly what its name implies: it’s a book intended to teach young men (“my son”) on how to grow into wise men. Following the instructions and wise sayings of the book should lead a man to avoid idle foolishness and bad influences and instead become functional men able to make wise decisions leading to a well respected life and probably wealth.
The thirty-first chapter starts out by using the first nine verses to talk about how the young man could be a wise king. Verse ten through thirty-one are a list of the ideal characteristics of a wealthy wife that is a perfect partner for a respected husband.
Is it relevant 3000 years after the verse was written?
Of course it’s still relevant. The old phrasing makes it sound dated, but the concepts are still worthy and respected. Let’s just rephrase the verses.
10, A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Who doesn’t want to be worth more than precious gems?
11, Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
Because of her wise choices, her husband doesn’t worry about anything she’s in charge of.
12, She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
Her being respectable and wise helps the family, not hurting it like a foolish wife does.
13, She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She loves what she does and takes pride in everything involved in her product or service.
14, She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
She’s willing to go some distance to get the best, not simply settling for what’s on hand.
15, She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
She gets up early to set the day up for her family to have an easy morning. I prefer to set up as much as possible the night before since I’m not a morning person. Either way, preparing for a smooth morning sets the day up for success. The ideal woman also provides for her employees, not being stingy with the servant girls since the male servants were her husband’s responsibility.
16, She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
In other words, she was a success businesswoman. Do you have any idea how expensive land was back then? And that land was wisely bought from “her earnings”. That isn’t part of business income. She bought that from profits or wages. That means she had a lot of money not needed to run her household or provide for her family. How much do you think it would cost to buy land today and prepare it before planting it? That is a lot of money upfront with no income. If she hired somebody to do the work for her, that’s even more money, but would allow her time to focus on everything.
17, She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
She doesn’t sit around all day managing from a desk or insisting someone else does the manual labor. She’s active and busy making sure everything gets done right.
18, She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
She made wise business decisions and has planned enough oil in her oil lamps to last all night. Good planning is key.
19, In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She’s willing to do painful and dull physical labor to ensure her family has good clothes to wear (since she would have made most of the clothes her family wore, or her servants would’ve made the fabric needed).
20, She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
She’s prepared well enough that she can give to the needy without worrying about her family’s needs. Also, she doesn’t just give money to the needy, but personally sees to their needs.
21, When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22, She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her planning for the future allows her to have luxury items (great blankets) and the most expensive dyes. Scarlet and purple dyes were SUPER expensive. Also, it rarely snowed there, so that is saying that even if the unexpected happened, she’s not worried. She knows she’s prepared.
23, Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land
Because of his confidence that his wife could deal with anything in his household or estate, her husband can take his focus off providing for his family to focus on the luxury of being a leader.
24, She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She can only sell fabric her family doesn’t need and the sashes are a luxury item she has enough extra time to make since everything else is running smoothly.
25, She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She knows her family is well prepared for any emergency that may come up as well as knowing that anything they can’t handle, God will help them through.
26, She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
Wisdom comes from experience. Who wants to take advice from someone who loves to give advice, but whose life is a mess?
27, She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Idleness seems to be defined as wasting time without a plan. Taking time for coffee with a friend, having a date night with the husband, or reading a book to relax can be intentional self-care (among many self-care options). The problem comes when a Christian gets so distracted by fun and non-productive activities that the work doesn’t get done. I believe this verse is more about time management and living intentionally than never resting.
28, Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29, “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Maintaining a loving relationship where the children still respect their mother in the modern world is not easy, but it can be done. Even her husband talks well of her, not complaining to his friends about her. (Some of this is part of being a good husband and not taking her for granted, but it also goes with not being trouble for her husband.)
30, Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
A woman who spends her life defined by her looks and other people’s opinions of her will always be looking for more. A woman who seeks to show her love for God will be praised and respected because her focus is on serving others, not momentary praise. Her actions will last longer because they aren’t designed for momentary praise, but actually helping others.
31, Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
I can’t think of anyone better to strive to be than someone who everyone speaks well of. Her children praise her, her husband tells her she’s amazing, and even the leaders of the land, at the city gate, speak well of her. “Give her the reward she has earned.” If her work is great, her reward will be awesome. If she’s been idle and her work is lacking, she might not have earned a reward at all.
