A Proverbs 31 Wife Doesn’t Harm Her Husband

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:12 NIV

That seems like a no-brainer, right? Who wants to harm their husband? “Harm” usually brings to mind physically hurting someone, but that isn’t the only way to bring harm.

A Lion In Winter

Years ago I watched the 1968 movie “A Lion In Winter”. It had some actors famous then and others that would become famous. I remember it as the ultimate way for a wife to harm her husband. The story takes place one winter when King Henry II and his wife, Queen Eleanor, get together with their sons for winter in the same castle. When they meet at the doors, they’re joking about whether Eleanor nearly won the last civil war or not. She fought a war against her husband to take his job/throne!

The movie is actually about their sons and who would become the next king, but I want to focus on that scene. Can you imagine going to war against your husband? Many couples live this on a much smaller scale by quarreling everyday.

A Quarrelsome Wife

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:9 NIV

When a wife loves drama and complains all the time, it’s hard to have a loving house. When a man knows he’s coming home to constant complaints, bickering, or nagging, it can make him not want to come home after a bad day. A quarrelsome household can be stressful, which can lead to stress at work and a man not doing his best at work. No matter how much a man loves his quarrelsome wife, it can lead to an uncomfortable house for the couple and any kids or guests.

Just as often it’s a quarrelsome husband that a wife needs to deal with. Sometimes couples quarrel or bicker. That’s normal. The problem is when quarreling is so constant that it becomes a problem and starts to cause problems at work or with other family members.

No Discretion

Sometimes the wife is agreeable, but has no discretion. That can be just as stressful as a quarrelsome spouse.

Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman with no discretion.

Proverbs 11:22 NIV

That’s a bit harsh, right, gold on a pig? I can think of at least two ways lack of discretion can bring harm to a husband.

A wife who loves to gossip could easily spread rumors about her husband by accident. She could be complaining to her friends about her latest argument with her husband, but twist it so she seems to be right. The reality could’ve been that she was wrong for a stupid little thing, but since she wants to seem like the victim she could accidentally make her husband seem cruel. By the time her friends tell their friends, her husband may be branded a monster and the neighbors turn against him. She could also pass on something he said after a bad day that gets back to his boss, harming his chance at a promotion. If his coworkers hear something said in anger, it could cause hurt and awkwardness at work.

The second way a wife’s lack of discretion could harm her husband comes from romance novels, actually. I don’t know of any movies off the top of my head, but books are full of women who accidentally led a guy on and he decides he needs to have her. Maybe it’s an ex-boyfriend, maybe just that guy at the bar that she flirted with and he decided to be a stalker, but there is often a man who decides to force the male lead away. Sometimes it’s by hurting his career, sometimes it’s by causing family drama, but the wanna be boyfriend causes harm to the husband-to-be. Flirting with other men may seem harmless, but arousing lust in a man not your husband can lead to trouble.

Husband And Wife Should Be Partners

Whether it’s by avoiding gossip, not leading other men on, not messing with a man’s career, or any other way a wife can harm her husband and his future, a Proverbs 31 wife tries to help him, not harm him. Together they build a peaceful and safe house for their family and work together towards the future they both want. Husbands and wives should support and encourage each other so the family stays healthy and happy.